what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Randomize
