I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
