so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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