My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
sarcasm needs its own font
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
