Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
