then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Say something about gay babies.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
