I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
