I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
my shit smells like andre
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
