Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
