he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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