I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize