Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i barfeds in our rink
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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