girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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