I think im going to throw up on grandma
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
