I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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