He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
