My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
