I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
