Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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