I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
