I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I need to calm my uterus...
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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