Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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