i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
