just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
