We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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