Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
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