There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
