Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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