8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I cannot find my penis.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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