i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
