i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
