I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
