Is it normal to miss your booty call?
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
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