Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
