He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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