Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
