Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
