I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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