so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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