I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
my liver is dry heaving
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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