Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
