You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
