someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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