apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
