Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize