My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
