her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
