i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
