Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
