You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
