Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
