I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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