man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
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