apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
