GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
