if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
