I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
