I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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