There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize