I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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