That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
