I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
