He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
