We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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