So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
The uberlube is also flammable
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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