just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
