Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
