im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
