Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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