Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
