At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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