I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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