Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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