If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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