I can't breathe out the right side of my face
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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