I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
