Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
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