What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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