Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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