I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
