So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
