when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
