Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
