Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
