He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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