i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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