I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
