You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
